Have you ever felt lured into a CONFLICT when you intended to reach a peaceful resolution?
You may be perfectly capable of handling a difficult conversation. Still, CONFLICT is never a wise course to take. Other than the fact that it brings you no closer to resolution, it is also an opportunity for one or both parties to pull out their insecurities and ineffective subconscious patterns falling into a Victim-state.
Whether you are a manager, co-worker, business owner, or spouse, difference of opinion at times is common.
Difficult conversations are sometimes necessary, especially when your and your counterparts’ visions & methods vary extensively. You may be working towards the same objective, be it the completion of an important project before a deadline, landing a big client, creating a roadmap for increased sales or team performance, or as a couple deciding on where to live.
It is important to remember in these moments: You do not have to THINK how your Counterpart does to come to a resolution. You only need to understand where they are coming from. What needs are they trying to fulfill? What emotions are driving their rationalization or ideologies?
Why are the questions you ask so powerful in difficult conversations? Because they have the power to bring you both out of the emotional state and move you straight to the analytical mind, away from the Hindbrain and survival mode to the Forebrain and solution-mode.
Difficult conversations have the potential to stay peaceful & come to clear resolutions with both parties getting what they want. Or Turn into a full-blown “fist throwing & uppercutting, cage fight,” where one of you must be eliminated for the other to be satisfied.
Conflict happens when one or both people involved fall into VICTIM-state, feeling attacked and gear up to create personal safety.
Next time you find yourself lured into such situations where a difference of perspective, opinion, and vision cause a proverbial Typhoon
BY STAYING IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN INNER STATES, YOU CAN MASTER ANY DIFFICULT CONVERSATION
HOW?
Affirm that you and your Counterpart indeed disagree on the details of how the objective is realized. Yet, you both want the same results. Emphasize that there is room for finding common ground.
You must find the ASSERTIVE NEUTRAL, often seated or standing position with hands clasped in front of the body. Lean in forward slightly & relax your forehead while breathing comfortably with your lips relaxed. A passive-aggressive or aggressive body position is highly ineffective and has the power to escalate the conflict.
Avoid sentences starting with “YOU” or “I.” Emphasize, “this is teamwork.” Reaffirm, paraphrase & ask questions instead of using accusatory language. Although you may disagree with the view of the other, you can still find a way to compliment your Counterpart’s effort in coming up with their ideas.
“Nothing melts an iceberg faster than a bit of warmth.”
A few subtle boosts to the other’s confidence will go a long way in maneuvering any difficult conversation.
What will you accomplish applying these tools? You will transform every difficult conversation into a peaceful resolution leading to you both GETTING WHAT YOU WANT MOST:
“SUCCESSFUL REALIZATION OF THE GOAL IN MIND”!
For more information on these and many more tools used for effective CONFLICT Resolution, dealing with Difficult conversations, and the Art of Influence;