How often have you found yourself feeling Mentally and Emotionally triggered by someone?
When we think of psychological safety, we often believe of work environments that somehow make us feel triggered. We feel attacked, disrespected, or denied by the other person or group.
The general feeling in this situation is feeling threatened or, better put, UNSAFE.
When we look at the emotional state behind the mental observation in this state, we see insecurity in its most profound form: “feeling unsafe psychologically and emotionally.”
What is crucial to emphasize is that this lack of sense of psychological/emotional safety is not restricted to work environments. Some of our most triggering connections are the personal and intimate ones—our parents, partners, siblings, children or best friends, etc.
This emotional state SUCKS!
It makes us feel terrible inside and completely disempowered.
The great news here is that the threat we see is nothing but a figment of our imagination. Even if the other person intends to be rude or covertly nasty, we have the power to create a strong sense of safety for ourselves by becoming powerfully vulnerable.
Yes, you read correctly; become POWERFULLY VULNERABLE!
This means we discern and express ourselves confidently and compassionately, asserting our boundaries without making the other person responsible for our sense of psychological safety.
Before going into a call or talking to this individual you know is capable of affecting you negatively, sit quietly for a moment and take a deep breath. While connecting to your breath, imagine how it feels to be inside your body (a safe, secure space where you are in complete control).
Now take another deep breath and set AN INTENTION for how you want this conversation to go and how you want to feel as you maintain your emotional sovereignty? —this intention is all about you and not the other person. You are only 100% in control of your own responses and internal state, not over the other person’s behavior.
Ask yourself: how am I maybe setting a false expectation for this conversation about the other person? Wanting them to show up in ways they are incapable of showing up?
Release expectations with another deep breath and set the intention to remain present during the conversation instead of overthinking.
You have no idea what is going on in the other person’s mind and the thoughts behind their actions unless you make use of the technique MAQ to get into your power of vulnerability:
Mirror: tell them how their behavior looks/seems to you
Affirm: how their behavior is making you feel
Question: is this what you intended to make me feel?
one of the reasons we feel unsafe/insecure in our relating to others is because we don’t trust, ourselves to be strong and vulnerable and the other to tell the truth. because we are completely convinced of our own assumptions. When people explain their intentions, believe them. This is a crucial step in building your trust. It doesn’t mean you have to be ok with their behavior, and it certainly doesn’t mean you can now expect them to change overnight, but you will shift your axis of safety by feeling sovereignty in your psychological safety by being present rather than overthinking
Doing this exercise will not change the other person or their behavior per se (although the energy you show up may affect the other person as well). It will, however, 100% impact how YOU SHOW UP and not allow the other person to trigger you.
For those of you looking to master the skills required to become secure and confident in relating, contact the Alexander method coaching via info@alexandermtd.com
Please feel free to share this blog with anyone who can benefit from it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog and supporting the Alexander Method community.