Off-Balance

By bahar

"I need balance in my life."

These words will most likely resonate with you if you are a human, no pun intended. People CRAVE Balance in their lives, at times so intensely that it diminishes their sense of well-being and joy. I need Balance is the common mantra for what is missing in Life.

The word “Balance” is used to express the desired point between two opposites and neither one nor the other. However, when people speak of Balance, it is related to their inner state, inner peace and emotional/mental stability, which requires something completely different from “balance” to create.

Interestingly, there are two distinct categories of individuals who crave Balance:

  1. The high performers, highly ambitious and driven
  2. The partners of the individuals mentioned above

Can you see the irony in this?

Later in this blog, I will explain why it is sometimes not the highly ambitious but the people in their lives who ask for more Balance. But 1st a more in-depth look at why Balance will never serve success.

Success requires an intense dedication of time and effort. Working towards a goal with any level of commitment requires that the priorities shift dramatically in the direction of that particular goal. This dramatic shift of focus quickly puts life in an off-balance state.

Ask any Olympic athlete, ivy league student, high performers, and the highly driven: what helps you create success? They will tell you that success is created in the extremes & not in Balance. No one gets to be in the top-5% league, build a successful career and wealth, or strong family life by playing in the middle field.

A mother nurturing a newborn will tell you that they feel like a machine that only tailors to the infant’s needs. They have no need or time to be anything but a nursing mother. An executive moving into a new role will move into a “first 100 days protocol,” which comes with a great demand on his personal Life to set his foundation up for success.

The act of striving for Balance is not only an absurd one; it is also guaranteed to keep you zigzagging over a middle line, desperately attempting to maintain all your priorities at the same time. Careers get derailed, marriages fall apart, and people get ‘burned-out”, all because the individual craves Balance.

The truth is that it is not Balance that we are seeking in Life. What we truly want are Purpose, Meaning, and Significance.

With Clarity on these three nonnegotiables, the individual will be well equipped to create a perfectly “off-balance” life where everything is possible. Nothing requires exclusion, much like the act of walking a high wire that includes a right and a left step.

Why are High Performers most affected by the need for Balance?

High performers are goal-striving machines, and drinking from the proverbial fire-hose is how they manage to climb the success ladder with such precision.

This DEEP FOCUS ability is, of course, an incredible attribute that is necessary for success creation. Problems arise when the Highly Driven only knows how to be in this mode, where the moments of oscillation between intense focus are also spent in the same manner. When energy management falls by the wayside, and an “all or nothing attitude does its profound damage to their close relationships and their own sense of well-being.

To continuously create success and live our best lives personally, with health and longevity alongside an intense sense of joy, it is the ideal state of off-balance that will profoundly serve us.

In this blog, I will share some eye-opening insights that will provide you with the three keys to living perfectly Off-Balance”.

The three Keys to Living perfectly off-balance:

  1. Purpose-clarity and acceptance: a strong set of priorities based on the personal value system aligned with their profound needs and their loved ones and mutual acceptance of the set priorities
  2. Presence and awareness: understanding the value of quality over quantity in your personal interactions and clear communication
  3. Deep Rest: managing the energy levels by learning to oscillate

High Performers’ real challenge is that they don’t usually notice that something is missing. Because a single-minded focus is their second nature, although they vaguely sense that something is off, most people around them are genuinely affected by this to a great degree. Whether you are an Ambitious Woman or a Man, living with another Ambitious individual or otherwise when your Value systems are not aligned, you lack acceptance, communication abilities are limited, if you are, for whatever reason, unable to ask for or express your Deep needs, disconnection arises, and problems start.

Now let us dive a little deeper into the three keys to the perfect off-balance life:

Purpose-clarity and acceptance:

Most highly driven people have a sensory image of what success looks like for them. With diligent focus, they find out how to get to their desired success, plan their time meticulously for the process involved. They have a distinct ability to disregard all distractions and demands on their time to do their focused work. So they live and breathe their goals, skillfully resisting all gratification and often even the small pleasures in life.This skill is a great attribute and ability. However, the wheels come off this fast-moving vehicle when the high performer is ineffective in communicating their need for this hermit mode and move forward without gauging the level of Clarity and acceptance in their loved ones.

Solution: Create Clarity on Values and get to mutual acceptance

The most crucial step in correcting this dilemma is to create Clarity around your top priorities, that of your partner, and building structure around these needs. It is then also crucial that there is acceptance for the priorities set. Communicating expectations and consequences is an absolute must. Your partner and loved ones need reassurance that you will dedicate time and focus to their needs down the line.

Presence and Awareness:

The Highly ambitious often function in one mode: Deep Focus on Success. There are plenty of moments throughout the day when the highly focused individual is presented with the opportunity to connect to their surrounding and loved ones. It only takes a moment of Mindful presence to recharge you and show those in your Life that you appreciate their love and support.

A Thriving High Performer maintains structure around all his deep personal needs and that of the significant people in their lives and moments of deep connection.

Solution: Mindful presence

Deep compassionate listening and presence allow you and those around you to feel valued: seen, heard, and understood, which is the most basic human need. Learning to create moments of meaningful connections is critical to living a perfectly off-balance life. Your loved ones appreciate the quality of your presence when you engage with them over the quantity of time you give them. If you are always in Deep Focus mode, pay attention to how you use your limited time to unwind. If you choose to unwind at the end of an intense day in front of the tv instead of taking the 30 min meal time you have with your significant other TO CONNECT, you cannot blame your loved ones for feeling left-out and asking you to find “balance.”

Managing energy levels by learning to oscillate

For the High Performer and the Highly successful, performance is their holy grail. They live to perform and consistently supersede their limits while shock and awing the bystanders.

This ability provides them with the edge to be at the top of their peer group and industry. But what happens when performance is not what they do but THE ONLY THING THEY DO? Well, this is a BIG PROBLEM as it systematically drives the individual to associate their sense of self with the performance.

They often also profess: “I am perfectly happy just focusing on my success” and at the same time complain about feeling exhausted, suffer from insomnia, are unable to maintain a healthy body, and are often over or underweight. The Highly successful often go through many broken relationships and are unable to maintain a satisfying personal life. They suffer from a subtle undertone of emptiness that they fill up with more performance.

This method of self-medicating, unfortunately, is what leads to significant painful consequences and the craving for Balance.

Solution: not Balance but an ideal state of Off-Balance

“It is doing the right thing and not doing everything right which leads to success.”

DEEP REST must balance deep work. These are the moments in between that add the greatest value to the individuals’ ability to continuously improve their level of performance, life experience, and sense of joy.

Take time to RESET, as short as 10 minutes for every 45-90 minutes of DEEP FOCUS, increases focus and energy levels. DEEP REST is essential for your energy management and your Brain and body to function optimally.

As you reset, your priorities must shift at that moment from DEEP FOCUS to DEEP REST

 

Use these moments of reset to move your body, nourish and hydrate, connect to loved ones, focus on your breathing, get some daylight and reset.

Integrating these three practices will contribute to an increased performance level and bring meaning and significance to your life experience. Now you can pursue your Purpose, maintain a healthy body, and enjoy deep connections to your significant others in a perfect off-balanced state.

YES. YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL

 

Other blogs

CONFIDENCE VERSUS SELF-ESTEEM

CONFIDENCE VERSUS SELF-ESTEEM

What is Confidence? Confidence is an attribute we built sequentially. It is our self-appraisal about how the outside world views our performance. The better we perform, the higher the confidence level. As performance varies, so can confidence. By virtue of skill being…

read more

Tell me what and why? I will show you the way.

Time waits for no one! Invest in your greatest asset, invest in yourself!