If you are tired of feeling stuck, unsatisfied, tired and want to create a life you can celebrate, read on
How Beliefs influence Success
By Bahar Alexander
Beliefs: Your Super Powers or Your Kryptonite
Who doesn’t know the story of Superman? Superman, known for his supernatural abilities, is also known for his greatest weakness: Kryptonite
To the observer, Kryptonite is a piece of chemically compounded rock from his home planet which has the power to disrupt his ability. Although in this story, Kryptonite is the ultimate symbol of what is known as the “Achilles hell’ Or “The individual’s beliefs”!
How our beliefs affect us in our life experience is not some hippie story. It is the topic of extensive research in the area of cognitive and performance psychology.
Some of the most impressive studies in the field of Human Development are by Carol Dweck and Angela Buckworth, showcasing how our beliefs affect our mindset and how our mindset contribute to our success or failure in life
“A belief is a statement about reality which you believe to be true.”
As children, well-meaning adults around us do their best at raising us. If they are overly critical, we may develop the belief that we are not good enough. If the parents are absent for whatever reason, we feel that we are not given enough love and affection and develop the belief that we are not valuable enough.
If told that “YOU ARE SO SMART” continuously, we may develop a belief that we don’t need to effort ourselves and things should always work out for us. If ignored, we develop a belief that we are not important enough.
If told we are clumsy or foolish, even if jokingly or passively, we develop the belief that we are stupid and incompetent and perpetuate these statements by acting according to them.
If excessively punished for failing, we create the belief that failure is bad and must equal punishment; and even if no one else does, we find a way to self-punish.
In contrast, when told that we are great at solving problems and powering through challenges, we develop the belief that through effort, we can find our way through any difficulty
The patterns we build in our formative years are the foundation of our beliefs in our adult lives about ourselves and others or circumstances.
Beliefs are the meaning we give to experiences according to our familiar and subconscious programming.
If you believe water is hot, would you put your finger in it? No!
If you think your innate smarts are responsible for your success, would you ever feel good about working hard to understand something? No, that would make you feel stupid. You will believe that you should naturally be good at everything.
If you think you are not worthy, you will not ask for that raise, stand up for yourself, or set your boundaries.
If you develop the belief that punishment is the only way to create compliance, that will become your leadership style and the only way to motivate people around you and those who work for you to step up.
Beliefs are the side effect of our subconscious programming, which runs 95% of our decision-making framework and how we respond or react to events. When the Conscious Mind has one set of beliefs based on evidence yet the subconscious holds a completely different belief, we end up in anguish, self-doubt, and low confidence.
We may get a compliment, and because we don’t believe we deserve it, we reject praise or not take credit when it is given for outstanding performance while believing: It’s just not good enough.
When conscious beliefs are not congruent with who you believe you are in your subconscious Mind, resulting in a tug of war within us.
As Children watching adults lie to keep the peace, you learn that telling the truth can cause drama, disrupt harmony and that lying is necessary to keep the peace. However, as an adult you may believe that lying is wrong, you will still find yourself omitting information to self-preserve.
Empathy or aggression, acknowledgment or being ignored, affirmation or punishment, responsibility or pointing fingers, open and inclusive or prejudice and judgmental are all conditioned into our belief system and become the way we do things.
Your beliefs determine how you think, feel, give meaning to events, develop opinions, Lead and respond to challenges.
The great news is that you can change your beliefs. You can reprogram your subconscious by changing the MEANING by following these 3 steps:
- Recognize your conditioned beliefs and how they get triggered: this process requires that you are brutally honest about your self-limiting beliefs
- Stop an interrupt and reframe: getting between the trigger induced emotion and the thought which accompanies it and assess who you want to be in that situation, a victim or an empowered individual who DECIDES their response instead of reacting unconsciously
- Ask questions: often, our beliefs get triggered through an internal dialogue based on assumptions and the familiar
when you get criticized by your boss, colleague or partner, you are transported back in time in one swift motion, standing in front of your well-intentioned parent trying to stimulate you to do better by excessively correcting you.
Your familiar emotion is “I am not good enough, and I do everything wrong,” when that may be far from what your boss is trying to do, much like your parents. Back then, you didn’t ask a question, and now you are not either. Instead, you are unconsciously giving the experience meaning.
Asking questions creates clarity, allowing space to redefine our experiences to the advantage of self-beliefs instead of detriment.
Try these questions the next time you feel yourself being emotionally triggered to react in a situation:
- From what I am feeling, what is reality and what is a belief?
- What do I know to be true in this situation?
- How else can I respond in this situation that is empowering to me instead of putting me in a victim mindset?
- What questions can I ask to create more clarity in this situation?
- What outcome would I like to generate in this situation?
Your Response-ability will define your personal power and your conditioned beliefs. You can learn to create your beliefs for empowerment or accept them as they are and remain a victim.
If you believe you have the power to LEARN to manage your own internal state, you will open up your Mind to the BLISSCIPLINE 😉 of Personal Growth.
Learn more about the Alexander Method Mindset Coaching to reset your beliefs for life success: Mindset Coaching – The Alexander Method (alexandermtd.com)
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